“All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
(Matthew 28:18-20)

I find that as I continue to heal and test my new thoughts and inspirations, I repeatedly become aware of new heartaches and areas of pain and challenge.  While I was in my addictions, I medicated my pain and numbed my awareness and feelings.  The Lord is blessing me with supernatural highs and positive relationship experiences like nothing I ever experienced while in my state of substance abuse dependency.  As part of my growth though, He is also necessarily requiring me to be open and real.  I am learning to feel real pain like I have not experienced in a very long time.  My teachers here are explaining to me that true spiritual healing is like physical healing.  It only comes after all of the infection has been removed.  Often cleansing and purification is painful, but once one is truly free of the infection, the body and mind can truly experience wellness.  Last month I struggled with forgiveness and offense.  While in my addiction, I did not have this struggle because I never thought of anything or anyone other than myself.  If I felt any anxiety or frustration about any relationship with anyone, I ignored and repressed my feelings with some type of drug. Unfortunately, I also suppressed and numbed myself from feeling any of the positives from my relationships with others.  I just refused to FEEL!

Since coming here and getting past my initial battle with addiction, God revealed to me my need to confront my feelings toward my brother and when He revealed it to me, I saw before me all of the ugly resentment and unforgiveness for what it really was.  It had nothing to do with my brother. It was an issue with the condition of my heart. God graciously helped to rid me of the bitterness I have harbored and rationalized toward my brother.  I have learned to release my brother and all of the bondage my negative feelings brought on me.  I submitted it all before the Lord and He is in total control of my relationship with my brother from this day forward.  Once I saw my resentment and unforgiveness as my own rather than as something my brother had inflicted on me, I was able to give it up and give it to God.  I feel so amazingly light and free.  I can see that if one is to truly have intimacy with God, one must be willing to be completely broken and humble before Him.  He cannot use us as He desires if we do not submit to Him in humility and brokenness. If we are full of ourselves, there is no room for Him. Resentment and unforgiveness are nothing but self-centered feelings.  I recall John the Baptist’s words “He must increase, I must decrease.” (John 3:30)  I am thankful for each part of the development I encounter.  Each piece of the development is essential - even the painful pieces. “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him unto death.” (Phil. 3:10)

This month I entered my eleventh month at Shiloh Ministries. God has truly been my keeper. He has kept me here through good times, sad times, and missing my family in Oregon terribly times.  I see every day what a treasure I have been given. God could have chosen anyone to be here at this time at this Ministry. He could have chosen anyone to heal, to be delivered, to allow to grow, and to become aware of His majesty.  He could have exposed anyone to the wonderful gift of life he has for the man who will believe and take hold of Him! Wonder of wonders, He handpicked me! And I am now a senior student at Shiloh! Amazing Grace no less!  I am beginning to comprehend a part of God’s heart. He is the God of mathematics. He takes us, and builds and blesses us in order to strengthen us, and then he breaks us when we begin to get too strong in order to keep us humbled before him and ever pliable, and finally he gives us out to multiply ourselves.  He seems to just keep repeating this refining process over and over until he calls us home.  His ultimate goal for us is that we are to reproduce and make Disciples.  He says, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” (Matthew 4:19)  All of this is contingent upon our yielding of our free will which He gave us, and our giving it back to Him.

As seniors we are given the privilege to go on a short-term mission outreach. Pastor Rocky and Sister Debbie both have a heart for Missions. They served as missionaries and met in the Dominican Republic. I have been taught since coming here time and time again that a seed reproduces after its kind. The leadership ambitiously seeks to plant a love for Missions in all of the Shiloh students. In March, I will be going to Mexico with a team for medical/evangelical purposes. I have never been outside the USA.  I do not have medical skills, and I am not an evangelist, but I can serve in some way.  I am willing to do whatever they need. Through our corporate intercession, we have been praying for different nations. God has been enlarging my heart for the last ten months that I may have more of a Global vision. We will be going to an area where medical and dental care is scarce to nonexistent, a mountainous terrain where there is much poverty.  I am told that we will see more clearly just how great we actually have it here.  Brother David Slack and his wife Laverne will be heading up our team. They have been leading short-term mission trips for many years. Numerous people have given their heart to Jesus Christ because this couple was willing to move out of their comfort zone in order to equip and mobilize short-term outreaches.  In our preparations for this trip, I am reminded by our leaders of a quote by Billy Graham, “A Missionary is not one who crosses the sea, but one who sees the Cross.” I am so honored to get to be part of this team.  My family and Beth’s Sunday School Class are continuing to support me by interceding for me in prayer and Beth has told me she is making preparations to be here to rejoice with me at my Graduation at the end of next month.  We serve an awesome God!!
Shiloh Ministry Team.  Earlier installments of this fictional story about Cecil Armstrong in our newsletter archives

Shiloh Ministry Team.