“Seek Me And Live” (Amos 5:4).

Two months ago we began a fictional series about the life of a man named Cecil whom the Lord connected with Shiloh Ministries. If you would like a copy of the two earlier installments, please ask us, and we would be glad to send them to you. This month, we find Cecil flying from Oregon to Houston. 

The flight attendant announces for passengers on flight 51 to take our seats and fasten our safety belts. We are making our descent into Houston. My heart races. I am anxious to get off this plane. Yet, I know change will bombard me from the moment I hit Texas.  The healing power of change can be very painful as it stretches us and forces the very core of who we are to either transform or shatter.  The gentle changes in our life tend to be those we orchestrate.  The painful change, the type that hits us square between the eyes seeking not even a nod of approval, is the change that truly transforms and regenerates us.  What I am experiencing now is critical drastic change that I yearned for, I craved and cried out for, but I could not orchestrate.  It hit me when I became so broken and desperate that I truly and completely yielded.  When I broke, the Holy Spirit met me in an empty hotel room and He revealed to me my clear choice was between drastic change and death.  Radical painful change is being forced on me as a consequence of the choices I made again and again which resulted in addiction.  The false comforts I knew deceived me, almost destroyed me, and separated me from God.  I desire to live, to prosper, and to know God.  I know I must change.

After landing smoothly, I hustle to the baggage claim.  I want to get to my destination.  I want to be well and whole NOW!  I feel the adrenaline rush.  I yearn to be a different person.  I had been told that a Shiloh Counselor would connect with me outside the terminal.  After retrieving my baggage, I see a young man with a Shiloh sign.  I walk over to him, introduce myself, and he greets me with a handshake and then a sturdy friendly hug.  It is Jason.  I am so glad to finally meet Jason and to be here.  We load my belongings and leave the airport.  As we pull onto Houston’s interstate to make our way to Liberty, Jason begins to encourage me with his testimony.  I cannot believe that this man is only 23 years old.  From speaking with him over the phone, I expected him to be about 35 or 40.  I am stunned by his maturity and his ability to connect with me about life without drugs. He testifies with exuberance of his love for his LORD and Savior Jesus Christ. I feel my anxieties and nervous tension subsiding.  I yearn for hope and restoration. After a 45 minute drive, we pull up in Shiloh’s parking lot.  I immediately begin to sense a peace I have never known. I comment to Jason about this peace and he responds, “Yeah Bro, it is the anointing.” God’s tangible presence is here. 

As I enter the doors of Shiloh, I think to myself, this place is not like the other programs I have experienced. It is not a medical facility.   It is simple and safe, but there is a supernatural presence.  All of a sudden, I am surrounded by people who are all hugging me and telling me they are glad I am here. This feels good! The next person to greet me is Pastor Rocky. He welcomes me with a handshake and a hug and explains that this is the best decision I could ever make. He reassures me that I will be changed forever after a year. I am then led through orientation and the intake process.  Brother Jason sits me down and begins to explain the Shiloh Handbook rules and regulations.  He is talking about wake up time, quiet times in the morning with the LORD, breakfast then praise and worship, intercessory prayer, Bible Classes, and lunch followed by afternoon work details. He is adamant about being on time for all curriculums and he is stern about zero tolerance for disrespect towards Staff, rebellion, cursing, and smoking.  All are grounds for immediate dismissal. Wow!! As he is being blunt with me about rules, I realize I do not have an urge to smoke. I do not have an urge for anything.  Where are the side effects and withdrawal symptoms I was convinced would take place? I have not had anything stronger than coffee for several days now as I have been so caught up in the frenzy of all that has happened to me since I was in the hotel room.  What I am experiencing is truly amazing.  I am not in mental or physical torment.  I am even grateful for the imposed structure because my life has been in disarray.  As I pause to reflect, I understand that I have embraced and accepted a Savior who loves me and is providing this time and this place for my healing.

After intake, I walk to the Dormitory. As I begin to unpack and put my things away, I find myself befriended by a fellow who introduces himself as Carson, the laundry man.  He welcomes me to Shiloh and asks me, “Do you need anything?” He says, “You will like it here. It is a place where you will learn God’s Word and the Holy Spirit will impact you.” I say, “Well, I definitely need that.” Carson then says, “I have been here for 7 months, my home is in Alabama.” He continues, “Yeah, when I came here, I was so bound up in religion.”  I am stumped, “Religion? I thought this was a place for drug addicts? I mean, I am definitely addicted to Heroin and Cocaine, yeah, I have been away from God, but I am an addict and that is why I am miserable.”  Carson looks at me like I am missing something, he continues, “I was raised in a ‘Christian’ home, loved by my parents, but they fought like cats and dogs. They hollered and screamed at one another. I stayed confused all the time. You know what I mean, man. You know I could never understand how my parents could be so holy while at Church saying, ‘thank you Jesus’, and ‘Hallelujah!  Amen!’ and then they get home and yell at each other. I was so confused. I mean I really thought that my parents were in it just for the ‘fire insurance’” Now, I think I am confused.  “What do you mean fire insurance?” I asked.  Carson laughed, “You know, protection from going to Hell!” “Oh yeah, I see what your saying.”  Carson continued, “I really think they thought that it was OK to talk and live like pagans as long as they went to Church.  Since I have been here, though, I am learning that true faith is all about obedience and a relationship with Jesus Christ.”

It is now about 4:45 pm. The men are returning from their work details. They all come through the dorm to clean up and prepare for dinner at 5 o’clock. As they come in, they all introduce themselves. They all seem to be full of life and content with their lives here at Shiloh. They begin to encourage me with what will take place tomorrow in Brother David’s Bible classes. They all tell me that this man is a great Bible teacher. They also tell me I will really enjoy praise, worship, and prayer.  I will have to wait and see about all of this.  The reality of change is hitting hard.  Doubt and fear are welling up again.  I am living with strangers so far away from home and family.  Lord have mercy, I place my trust in you!!!

Rocky Fondren