SHILOH MESSENGER - April 2008
















 

"It Is Written"

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12).

In our March Newsletter, we began a fictional series about the life of a man named Cecil whom the Lord connects with Shiloh Ministries in an attempt to answer many of our readers’ questions about Shiloh.  If you are new to our newsletters, and would like a copy of earlier installments, please ask, and we would be glad to send you prior letters. In this our second installment in the series, we pick up with Cecil in his Oregon hotel struggling with his decision. 

I never knew that thoughts could be so loud. Thoughts race through my mind over and over again as if some demon keeps pushing a replay button.  How does one escape one’s own thoughts?  I must leave this hotel room and forget everything.  It has been precisely three hours since I called Shiloh for help.  I am acutely aware of every minute.  TIME - when I want it to linger, it speeds, but when I want it to speed, it loiters about.  I must somehow get through this. It would be lunacy to throw the Shiloh opportunity away.  I am desperate for help.  I am tired of the life I have been living for the past nine years. I see now I have just been slowly committing suicide.  HELP ME GOD!  If you are listening, please come.  I need your strength. I could understand if you have no desire to help me.  I have done horrible things. The man in Texas said that you love me and that you have a great plan for my life. He told me I should pray and then call him back in the morning.  God, if you do not help me, there will be no tomorrow. Why did he say wait, pray, and then call? How insensitive he must be! Why should I even want to go to Texas? My home is in Oregon. Everything I know is here. God, help me!  Why can I not shut off these thoughts? What am I going to do? Why should I care? Why now?  Hey, I can stop using drugs anytime I want to.  Maybe today is not the day to quit.  I need some relief.   Man, I have no more Xanax!  No more Cocaine! This is crazy! HELP! Why must I wait? I need help like right now! I feel like an animal in a cage. These tormenting thoughts are unbearable.

 Even though Cecil said a prayer with Pastor Rocky, the temptation is unbelievably intense to leave the hotel room and to go to the crack house. Cecil’s flesh is screaming with desire for the drug that has become his constant companion. Yet a battle is waging inside of him, and he knows in his spirit-man that if he leaves this room tonight, he will cross a final line, and he will surely die. He can not explain it.  It is just an assured knowing. Several times before, he came close to death and did not even care.  He always somehow slipped through death’s grasp.  For the first time, Cecil actually cares if he lives or dies.  Cecil realizes that unlike ever before, he yearns for freedom from the bondage that he has previously embraced.

My tearful eyes focus on the book on the bedside table. Holy Bible is inscribed on the front. As I open it I read, “Placed here by The Gideons.” Who are they?  I flip through its pages and stop midway.  I begin to read aloud, “Where does my help come from?” “My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.” I read one Psalm after another until I read all 150 of them.  My anxieties diminish and finally, rest and peaceful sleep comes. I had never actually sat down and read the Bible. I had been to Church a few times, but it was always to appease someone else. I never attended Church because I desired to meet God there.  I never had met God, much less known Him.  Now, I believe that He is, and that He is my only hope.  I awake the next morning to find the Bible steady across my chest.  Again, I find security and peace just knowing this is God’s Word and that it provided peace for me during the night hours when torment harassed me.  I cry out to God again and ask Him to strengthen me as I prepare to call Shiloh Ministries. This time I am ready, and I am willing to trust God to deliver me from antidepressants and Crack Cocaine.  I need a safe place. I will submit to the guidelines. I want my family back.  I want to live and not die.  If the God of this Bible could bring such peace during my turmoil last night, then He has my attention.

I call Shiloh and Jason answers.  I introduce myself and ask him if I can come to Shiloh.  Jason responds, “Cecil, we are thrilled.  It is our desire to help you, but there are things we need to take care of first. You must have blood work (HIV, Hepatitis A, B, & C) and a TB skin test as we live in tight community quarters and we need to be aware of any health issues in order to protect you and those you will be living with.”  Jason further explains that I can get the blood work done at a medical clinic or a doctor’s office in Oregon.  Jason then says, “I know that you have made a wise decision. What you are about to do will transform you into a man of God and will also affect your entire family. After you get your blood work done, call and let us know about your travel arrangements. We will pick you up at the airport or bus terminal. Cecil, you must HURRY!  The enemy will do everything to prevent your deliverance.  I would like to pray with you now.”  I silently listen to Jason pray over the phone, “Heavenly Father, I thank You for Cecil. I praise You that You have transferred Cecil from darkness into Your marvelous light, where he has fellowship with You! We also thank You that Your Angels are encamped around Cecil. No weapon formed against him shall prosper. We also know Heavenly Father that Your thoughts toward Cecil are of good and not of evil. You  plan to prosper and  protect him, and Your blessings never cease.  I thank You that Your favor is upon Cecil, and You will bring him safely to Shiloh, in Jesus name, Amen. " I hang up the phone and call my father who is a Godly man.  I tell him about my last 24 hours.  We both weep over the phone.  He immediately comes to pick me up and rejoices over my decisions to put my faith in the Lord and seek freedom from my addictions.  My parents loan me the money to pay for the medical testing I need, and then also for an airplane ticket to Houston, Texas.  As I say goodbye to my father at the security check point in the airport, I know I am also forever saying goodbye to my old way of life.  As I walk down the corridor of the Portland airport to board my plane, I become fearful again as I face the reality of the separation from the only world I know.  I know I must put my newfound faith in my Heavenly Father into action. These are my first steps out of a life of bondage. I must determine to trust the Lord will deliver me.

Shiloh Ministry Team 


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